Friday, November 12, 2004


While people are still grumbling about Bush coming back to power, here's my two paise worth... I think he's bad news for the world, and I think things are just gonna get a lot worse with him around. Decency prevents me from going into details as to why I can't stand him. So I'll just tell u a little story about him.

What follows is based on an article I wrote the first time he came to power. Some of you might have read this before, but read it anyways just to humour me...

On the 20th of January 2001, George W. Bush Jr. became the 43rd President of the United States of America. The staff of the White House had no problems with him whatsoever, until they discovered that he was more fond of the good life than his predecessor, Bill Clinton, who had been satisfied with Ms. Lewinsky and hamburgers. The new President demanded to be served a dish which no President had eaten before him - a rakatiki. The rakatiki is a flightless bird usually found in Fiji. It is short with black feathers and a small beak. Due it its low population, it ranks high in the World Wildlife Fund's list of endangered species. This, then, was the creature that George W. Bush Jr. wanted to find on his dining table.

The entire kitchen staff was thrown into a tizzy as a nationwide search for a rakatiki was launched based on information obtained from government archives that, in 1997, a few rakatikis had been brought to the U.S.A. to be cared for in a National Park. Acting on this knowledge, the F.B.I. chose four field agents to track down and capture a rakatiki for the President. Utmost secrecy of operations was required since the capture of an endangered species amounted to a national crime. The F.B.I. was successful, and the President had his rakatiki, tastefully baked by his head chef. The staff of the White House was thankful that no word of this crime on the part of the President came to the knowledge of the public. But they had reckoned without the power of the press.

On being paid a huge sum of money, a member of the President's entourage leaked the story (as is usual in Washington) of the rakatiki dinner to the press, leading to a huge public outcry against the Government. The USA was in for a full-blown political crisis.A millionaire conservationist, Mr. Andrew Chatham, offered $500,000 to the Government to be given permission to pump the President's stomach and retrieve the rakatiki, in whatever form it might be. His strange offer made the front pages all over the country. As the debate was raging, environmentalists learnt, to their consternation, that George W. Bush Jr. had eaten - yes, you guessed it right - another rakatiki! Authorities claimed there were no more rakatikis in the USA. This fanned their indignation further, and Mr. Chatham offered a further $500,000 for the second bird as well, bringing his total offer to the Government to $ 1 million.

A press conference had been arranged for the millionaire to address the media. He arrived punctually, and even brought along a suitcase containing the entire amount to emphasize his seriousness. In the midst of his speech, there was a mild disturbance as a man carrying a sack jumped onto the dais beside the speaker. As security personnel rushed forward, Mr. Chatham waved them away, and enquired of the intruder, "What do you want, my man?" "Sir, my name is James Hanson, and I have in this sack what you have been looking for." "Indeed? And what may that be?" "This," he said, drawing something out of the sack. The entire assembly stood stunned and astounded, for, in his hand, the man held… a live rakatiki! Breaking the stunned silence, Mr. Chatham immediately handed over the $1,000,000 to the man, and declared to the representatives of the press that he was giving up on the Government and the President. Thus, Mr. Hanson got a million dollars and the country got a rakatiki.

Moral : A bird in hand is worth two in the Bush.

1 comment:

Suze said...


ps : your doodle board does not work
use TAG (despite vindy's advice to the contrary.. it rocks)