Thursday, November 11, 2004

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

Ahhh... I'm blogging at last. After months of persuasion, I'm on. Tough luck, dear reader. Yours truly isn't known for making much sense. And you're at the receiving end.

Unfortunately, you can choose to close the page or just ignore it altogether, which rather dampens the fun of coming up with nonsense and kadis. Now I don't really expect to have a wide, diverse readership, but for those who r not Tamil and/or don't know what a kadi is, here goes:

Kadi, a.k.a blade a.k.a mokkai (in some circles) is a PJ. That stands for Poor Joke, not Pumpkin Juice, Poompuhar Jetti or Jordanian Porn (Arabic is written backwards, so JP becomes PJ). It's the kind of thing that makes you want to pull out all your hair or, if you're already bald, bang your head against the nearest wall in sheer frustration. At times, these violent acts may be visited upon my person, which means people will try to beat the crap out of me. I'm telling you now, that simply won't work. I let out crap as and when I feel like it. So there.

But that doesn't mean my blog is gonna be all crap. Or is it? I don't know... I've always wondered what the hell I would blog about. And how people get the time to blog. And how people come up with names for their blogs.

But I have a very very good reason mine is called The Lord of the Things. It's to do with the Law. If I'm the Lord of all things, I'm obviously the Lord (or Master or Chief Kabazi - I use the titles interchangeably) of Anything, Something, Everything and the Althing. Now all I need to do is get people to accept this. Consider this scenario:

(Year 2010. I've write a very nasty piece about... say, Micheal Moore, and he drags me to court.)
Judge: Moore, why have you brought this fine young gentleman to court?
Me (surprised): Who, me?
J: Yes, you.
MM: He wrote something nasty about me.
J: Harrumph! Hmmm... did you say he wrote something about you?
MM: Yes, something nasty. I want you to have him hanged.
J: Something, eh? You want him hanged? Sorry, no can do. He's the Lord of Something. He's free to go. And you, Moore, I'll have you arrested for dragging an upstanding citizen, a gem of a man to court.
Me (surprised): Who, me?
J: No, me. It's a Sunday and I wanna be in bed.
(Exit MM, crying for his mommy. Exit me, humming a tuneless little ditty)

You see? It all makes perfect sense. Its pays to be the Master of Things. Plus I like their close cousin, thongs. That reminds me of my buddy Prashanth and his first blog where he presented the marketing mantra "Sex Sells". So I'll sign off with a pic of a hot nude female (close your eyes if you're below the age of 18).


Sarath said...

Missing: Hot nude babe. All i see is a red cross! wonder if that means something.

AC said...

Look closer, it's a googly...

Nissim said...

is she white hot??

AC said...

Nope... the pic was intended to be there, but those were the days of self-censorship...

Btw, I'm very surprised you came all the way back to my first post!