If you've always thought my blog's just bull...

...you're right!


The pic above was, of course, taken in New York. This is the famous Charging Bull near Wall Street. The sheer size, weight and massiveness of the sculpture was stunning. The level of anatomical detail was pretty impressive as well, including the surprisingly large... erm... you know. I'd put up a picture, but that wouldn't be appropriate given the fact that there are several impressionable young kids who read my blog.

On another track, a lot of you have been telling me through mails, dbabs and this blog that it's high time I get back to blogging... I'm really really sorry it's been such a while since my last post. I've been pretty busy of late, but life is so varied and one's daily experiences so unique (and, often, frustrating!) that there is always a potential blogpost round the corner... so do bear with me for a bit, I'll try to be as regular as possible in the months to come. That said, thank you SO much... it really feels nice to know there are people who enjoy my random flights of thought and look forward to reading more of it :)

(Btw, I owe the photograph to Divya, who waited VERY patiently till all the other tourists cleared off so we could take this shot!)

Update to my previous post: Schiphol!

In my previous post, I had mentioned the flies painted on the urinals at Amsterdam's Schiphol airport.

Well, I was at Schiphol earlier today and decided to check it out first hand. (Two for best aim, actually, but let's not go into that.) So here's a first-person photo:




So there I was, peacefully minding my own business taking this photo... when I heard a cough behind me.

I turned around, and there stood a Dutch policeman, looking at me rather quizzically.

"Sir, what are you doing?" he asked.

My brain whirred into action and I replied with the entirely truthful, "I was taking a picture of the urinal."

He looked at me. I looked at him. He looked at me. I looked at him.

It struck me that "I was taking a picture of the urinal" is not the most convincing or elaborate of answers to give Amsterdam's finest.

I decided to elucidate. "You see, I've heard a lot about how Schiphol's urinals are unique because they have flies painted on them. Quite interesting, actually, so I thought I'd take a photo just as a memory."

He looked at me. I looked at him.

And then he broke into a smile. "Ah, that's nice!" he said. "There is a lot more to Amsterdam though!"

I smiled sheepishly, zipped up (the camera case, I mean) and headed out into the bright, inviting sounds and sights of Schiphol Airport.

What are you looking for today?

When I starting blogging in November 2004, one of the first tools I added to my blog was a hit counter. And no, this isn't leading to a bad joke about how many people have hit me for my posts, or a worse one about females hitting on me. Which, if my recent life is evidence, really is a joke.

Anyways, this hit counter thingy has proved to be one of the wisest decisions in my brief online life, and has helped me answer some very fundamental questions:

How many people are actually reading my crap?
Nearly 31000 to date!

Where are all these wierdos coming from?
60 countries worldwide, from Brunei to Guam; if you prefer it alphabetically, Australia to Venezuela.

How do they get here?
About 30% through referrals from friends' blogs, and a further 40% through online searches

What are the poor Googlers (86%) or Yahooers (10%) looking for?
That, dear reader, is the subject of this post.

A casual perusal of the search strings unsuspecting victims have used to arrive at my blog reveals that my blog is a veritable hotspot when it comes to certain topics. These search strings / keywords can broadly be classified as below

1. Things to do with IIM. And not just Ahmedabad.
2. Rain and, more importantly, Zeenat Aman (note to self: buy a bowl to catch drool)
3. All things Keralite (OK, I'm exaggerating a little... but it's true!)
4. The Bangash brothers. And their love lifes.
5. Off-beat things that I have mentioned once in a while
6. Weird things I have NEVER mentioned (the most varied and interesting category!)

I know that's a rather large set of classifications, but what the heck... I've got time on my hands and if you're actually reading this blog, you obviously do as well. So let's take a look at them in just a little more detail... and, as a disclaimer, every search string I've mentioned below really, truly has been used to get to my blog!

1. Things to do with IIM. And not just Ahmedabad.

This makes sense, given the fact that a very large number of my posts (about 25% of them) are directly about the IIMs, or mention them in some way.

Some stumble onto this blog looking for advice ("decide iim kozhikode indore 2005", "why join iim kozhikode?", "which iim to join lucknow kozhikode interview"), some looking for information ("IIM Ahmedabad mess food", "life in IIM Ahmedabad dorm", "nice wildlife park near Ahmedabad") and some just have their own peculiar worries ("IIM Lucknow failure rate", "how to survive at IIM ahmedabad calcutta bangalore")

Most of these have landed on one of the following posts
- My fascinating experiences at the IIM interviews: I look at James Bond's boss Part 1 and Part 2
- My commentary on the mess at IIMA: Week 2 - whoooosh!
- My initial impressions, and the flora and fauna at IIMA: July 2005

2. Rain. And Zeenat Aman.

Now this is one thing I didn't expect at all. I have only written about Zeenat Aman in one post - this one - in the context of the rain, but any pervert or connoisseur (needless to say, I fall in the latter category) seems to drill straight to this.

Some of the subtle search strings used have been one variation or the other of "satyam sivam sundaram zeenat clips". But it's the one's that aren't quite as subtle that make for the most interesting reading such as the relatively acceptable "zeenat aman hot", the anatomically correct "satyam zeenat bosom" and the rather more passionate "satyam sivam zeenat aman wet dream". Here's hoping the generous mention of Zeenat Aman in this paragraph (6 times!) draws these Zeenatphiles evermore!

Zeenat Aman (number 7) apart, there are also a fair number of those who appear to share my love of rain (with search strings like "soft rain light drops" or "Zeenat in rain wet dance". Another massive draw is the title of the blog
Dum dum diga diga
Mausam bheega bheegawhich has brought loads of those searching for the lyrics to my blog. There is the occasional variation though, such as "wet smell of earth after rain Raj Kapoor" and "dum dum diga diga little girl kerala". Which brings us very smoothly (pat on back) to Classification #3.

3. All things Keralite

An astonishingly large number of people on the internet are running searches on strings that begin with the word 'mallu'. The search strings themselves range from the boring and cliched "mallu girls" to the mildly interesting "mallu beach party" and "gods own country parathas" to the confusing yet fascinatingly peotic "mallu pallu" What makes the whole thing even wierder is that I have barely mentioned anything mallu at all, much less about mallu pallus. All my blathering about anything remotely Keralite has been restricted to two posts
- An account of a fun trip to NIT Calicut: Omanakutty Chaikadapatti
- A very brief mention of a Malayalee interviewer from IIM Kozhikode: I look at James Bond's boss Part 1

4. The Bangash brothers

I have it on good authority that Amaan and Ayaan Ali Bangash are not single. I know it, you know it (now that I've told you), but there are loads of people out in Cyberspace who apparently do not know it. Which is why they end up at my post Sarod and Saarang begin with 'S' with hopeful pleas such as "Are the Bangash sarod brothers single?" and "ayaan ali bangash looking for girlfriend" Those who aren't necessary looking for a relationship have relatively staid search strings ("amaan ali bangash interview 2005", "bangash sarod iitm"), but there is a certain class of discerning blog visitors who are looking for the little extra something, as evidenced by those Googling "ayaan ali bangash banging girlfriend" or "bangash sarod player hot smooch". Oh well, it takes all types...

5. Off-beat things that I have mentioned once in a while

Apart from routine requests for "ranting swede" and "panchangam", some of the more interesting search strings that have led, quite understandably perhaps, to my blog are
- "iitians and girlfriends": Not something I can claim to be an expert on... but this is where it led to
- "sucked in paunch" : something I have a long history of experience with, and which made its blog debut here. Even as the days go by, I'm fighting a losing battle with my paunch, which is now firmly entrenched on a growth trajectory outwards and downwards. Sigh.
- "badly need to pee": Ah, a kindred soul! This leads unerringly to one of my more recent posts here. Nowadays, of course, I lose more fluids through incessant perspiration than either forced or natural excretion.
- "tuby heroine": I'm assuming this was meant to be tubby heroine... again, a term I've mentioned only once in 46 posts, here, in the context of Tamil film heroines. Come of think of it, tuby may not be too far off the mark, either... hmmm...
- "mosquito killing finland": Aah... this one's a personal favourite, only because it brings back pleasant memories of my early days in the blogosphere. I had discussed this fascinating contact sport in this post in November 2004.

6. Weird things I have NEVER mentioned

OK, now this beats comprehension. I have NO idea why the following search strings led to my blog... I've tried tracking them through Google but to no avail... try them yourselves if you have the time (which you do) and the inclination (which you probably don't), and do let me know if you can figure them out!
- "college guy jerking off"
- "maurice green weight statistics"
- "gay comic lord of the springs"
- "dream big and bedding and stars and blue"
- "joshi maths coaching lucknow"
- "winking giraffe video clip": This takes the cake for most wierd and arbit search string to hit me ever. Ever.

So there you have it, dear reader. I've spouted all the data and statistics I have, much like a consultant report. Not that it's really going to do either of us any good. Except, of course, for the fact that I might just get more Zeenat Aman hits from now on!

Goodbye... for now.

I'm leaving my home of 8 years (Chennai, that is) and family of 21 years in 2 days. Less actually, 31 hours or so. I'm off to Ahmedabad on Monday...

The last week has been a whirlwind of activity. Visting relatives, last minute packing, wondering whether I should take a pillow along or buy one there, realising I wasn't using the most efficient way of ironing a shirt, buying stationary, listening to endless lectures on why I should eat properly (padikkyara payyon), trying to remain strighfaced when sermonized by well-meaning uncles on the evils of alcohol (too late!)...

And catching up on memories. I didn't realise, until a week ago, that clearing one's desk can be such an emotional experience. The cover of a failed album by a failed band I was part of 10 years ago, old birthday cards, notebooks with more doodles than useful content, arbit quiz papers, little chits that had been passed to me in class, a forgotten photo of an unforgettable girl... I lingered on every photograph, every scrap of paper, every memory, even as my mother kept pushing me to clear everything as soon as possible.

I also met some of my closer friends, and in each case managed to hold my tears back until I was alone and have a quiet little memories-regrets-loss-missing session in private.

And I bought a suit! I hate shopping in general, and even more so for clothes. But when I saw the suit and felt the material, I fell totally in love with it. Yours truly believes he looks rather natty in it.

This, of course, is relative, since the aforementioned yours truly (not to be confused with yours Schumacher or yours Hakkinen) is usually to be found in shorts or a rather disreputable pair of jeans that are crying (actually, not so much crying as slashing their wrists in agony) for a hard, good, long-overdue wash.

Anyways, it's a whole new life there and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm very excited, and am looking forward to recording all my inital impression on this blog for posterity. I don't think I'll have a computer for atleast 10 days after I get there, and when I'll get an internet connection is something I dare not think about now. The upshot of all this uncertainty is that I will not have any contact with this blog until say, the 5th of July. So, if you find this blog curiously static, don't think I've given up blogging or have gone into hibernation or have been run over or something of the sort. In the words of Governor Arnie, "I'll be back". (Sylvester Stallone later said, "I'll be Beethoven" but no one paid him any attention. (Pause for hysterical laughter and applause.))

For any first time visitors during my hiatus, here is quick intro to my blog and life to bring you up to speed (Please do click on the links or else...):

Q. Who is this AC guy anyways?

A. I'm a regular chap in almost aspects of life and existence except that I'm just a little nuts and am an Anna University engineering graduate. For further details, read each and every single entry in this blog... If you're female and would like me to read it out to you, call me.

Q. Why is he going to Ahmedabad?

A. The truth might be in the vaguely-described "out there", but the answer is here and here, in two parts!

Q. What does he look like?

A. Oh, normal. 10 digits, one nose, two eyes, all that. Plus a paunch! Batteries not included, some assembly required.

Q. Does he have a sex life?

A. A very good question. Here's the closest I've got to it. If you are female and would like to volunteer to educate me in this respect, call me.

Q. Does he have any special talents?

A. You bet! I'm a pro at a very special contact sport. If you are female and would like coaching, call me.

Q. Does he love nature?

A. Well... yes and no.

Q. Why is he even named AC? Is there an expansion, or is that a sad attempt at trying to convince the world he's cool?

A. Ah, why I am named what I am named makes for a very interesting story. I'm just too lazy to tell it to you, so you'll have to make do with this. And if you are female and do think I'm cool, call me.

Q. Why on earth is this blog named 'The Lord of the Things...'?

A. The answer to that is shrouded in the mists of history, leading all the way back to the 11th of November 2004 when this little baby was born... And the world was never the same again... this was the beginning.

Q. And last but not the least, is AC desperate for female companionship?

A. No, of course not! But if you are female and still think so, call me and I'll tell you why I'm not.

That should answer most queries. Have fun, and cya all in a while!

PR

Was fiddling around online, jobless as ever, and decided I'd create a banner for my blog. A Google search and 5 minutes later...

A static one, for now. If I ever feel driven or enthu enough to do so, I'll make a nice moving one...

Whaddya think?

A blog is visited, a long book read,And memories of lost days resurrected.

I must admit I have hardly visited this blog over the period of the last 20-odd days. Some bright readers (an oxymoron, perhaps, if you're reading my blog. One of my fav dialogues in the kickass Stallone movie Oscar is "You're both an ox and a moron!" That cracks me up every time... but I digress, as I am wont to do. That sounds kinda cool huh? 'Wont to do...' Anyways, I shall now plead guilty to double digression and get on with things...).

Some bright readers might point out that not all of the last 20 days have been odd in a numerical sense. A large percentage (roughly 50%) have been decidedly even. But since that little bit of mathematical trivia is of no particular interest to me, I shall just ignore those readers (no, please, don't leave yet!) and get on with things. Which, I notice, I've said for the second time. Such is life.

Well, I've been busy with one thing and other. Primarily just the one thing - IIM interviews and stuff - but a decent proportion of other things. And I have therefore not been able to reply to the comments that you, dear reader, have left at various posts. Or, if you haven't left one, you ought to have. So please do not shake your head as if to say, "Hah! This self-absorbed freak is not worthy of our time and comments if he does not deign to reply to them" and stop commenting. I really appreciate your feedback. And the fact that you increase my blog's hit count, so I can boast about it.

*****
My more discerning readers (I'm using the word a lot, for some obscure reason...) would have instantly awakened to the fact that the title of the blog is in verse. And in case you're thinking of a sad joke like "AC's going from bad to verse!", I'd like to say "Hah! I beat you to it!".

The reason for the rhyme? I've just finished reading Vikram Seth's 'A Suitable Boy', a very very long novel. A birdie, unfortunately not a chick, tells me it's the longest Indian novel ever. I'm not surprised. It's huge, approximately 1480 pages. I've read his 'The Golden Gate' before this - that's a novel entirely in verse - and found it smashingly brilliant.

A Suitable Boy is not in verse, though. And it's actually quite beautiful on the whole, although it does drag at certain parts. Over the eight days that it took me to finish reading it, I was introduced to a host of characters (some eccentric, some pure evil, some a great deal of fun and some instantly lovable), a very interesting view of the Indian society in the 1950s (caste, religion and all), and Indian politics just a few years after Independence. This sprawling saga involves four families - the Mehras, the Kapoors, the Chatterjis and the Khans - and their domestic crises in the backdrop of the historical and social events of the era. It's like an old-fashioned soap opera, and typifies Indians pretty nicely... There is a sweeping grandeur to the book that one does not quite realise until one has finished the book, so skilfully have the different threads and subplots been dealt with.

In the book, there is a family called the Chatterjis, and all members of this slightly weird but very lovable clan have a predilection for verse. One of the daughters, Kakoli aka Kuku, breaks out into some very funny poetry throughout the book, and that's what led to the title rhyming.

I loved the book, and I suggest
You read it too; it's by far the best
Novel I've read in a very long while.
It'll make one laugh, cry, think, smile.

I can't rhyme for nuts - almond or cashew,
So I end this part of this blogpost at last... Whew!

*****
Over the past month or three, slam books have made their appearance in class and are being passed around faster than leaked examination papers. A slam book, for those not in the know of things, is usually a normal notebook (though sometimes a preprinted one) in which people fill up their views on you, general musings to fill up the pages (if they don't know you well enough), their contact info and, in most cases, life with you. By you, I don't mean you (dear reader), obviously, but the person who owns the book. I realise I have a pretty irritating writing style, kinda twisted and convoluted and meandering... but I shove it in your face and proudly say - Hah! I don't really know what that is meant to convey, but I hope it conveys it all the same.

Back to slam books. I don't know what's so 'slam' about them, but I'll leave that discussion to another post or another life. (Note to self: try to make sense)

Anyways, the sight of all these slam books and people excitedly scribbling all over them brought back fond memories of my days at school. I dug up my slam books from the 10th and 12th standards and spent a beautiful couple of hours reliving some of the best years of my life. The warmth, love and innocent friendship and affection that leapt out of every entry in the books moved to tears. Really. Some, in particular, brought back nostalgia in full force, all guns blazing and all that.

Sample this - Who is going to lend me his shoulder for me to lean against and shed tears? Who is going to pat me on my back and say 'well done'? Who is going to wish me a Happy New Year in the middle of April?

The last bit is, of course, a reference to my infamous eccentricity and lunacy, which has grown luxuriantly in the fertile grounds of an Anna University education.

And this one - You are exasperating, irritating, calculating, agitating, maddening and infuriating - and a shameless flirt to boot. But all the same, it's been exciting being with you. We've had a great deal of fun. I'm gonna miss you, man. (Sniff)

Long letters on life, girls, exams, music, drumming (read banging on the desk like a madman), girls, elections (to the post of School Pupil Leader in my school), burping (I used to do it just to annoy the girls), weight reduction, dumb charades, girls, balloons (I really don't know why), Tirupati, old crushes and new ones, mothers-in-law, quizzing, birdwatching... ah, those were the days...

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

Ahhh... I'm blogging at last. After months of persuasion, I'm on. Tough luck, dear reader. Yours truly isn't known for making much sense. And you're at the receiving end.

Unfortunately, you can choose to close the page or just ignore it altogether, which rather dampens the fun of coming up with nonsense and kadis. Now I don't really expect to have a wide, diverse readership, but for those who r not Tamil and/or don't know what a kadi is, here goes:

Kadi, a.k.a blade a.k.a mokkai (in some circles) is a PJ. That stands for Poor Joke, not Pumpkin Juice, Poompuhar Jetti or Jordanian Porn (Arabic is written backwards, so JP becomes PJ). It's the kind of thing that makes you want to pull out all your hair or, if you're already bald, bang your head against the nearest wall in sheer frustration. At times, these violent acts may be visited upon my person, which means people will try to beat the crap out of me. I'm telling you now, that simply won't work. I let out crap as and when I feel like it. So there.

But that doesn't mean my blog is gonna be all crap. Or is it? I don't know... I've always wondered what the hell I would blog about. And how people get the time to blog. And how people come up with names for their blogs.

But I have a very very good reason mine is called The Lord of the Things. It's to do with the Law. If I'm the Lord of all things, I'm obviously the Lord (or Master or Chief Kabazi - I use the titles interchangeably) of Anything, Something, Everything and the Althing. Now all I need to do is get people to accept this. Consider this scenario:

(Year 2010. I've write a very nasty piece about... say, Micheal Moore, and he drags me to court.)
Judge: Moore, why have you brought this fine young gentleman to court?
Me (surprised): Who, me?
J: Yes, you.
MM: He wrote something nasty about me.
J: Harrumph! Hmmm... did you say he wrote something about you?
MM: Yes, something nasty. I want you to have him hanged.
J: Something, eh? You want him hanged? Sorry, no can do. He's the Lord of Something. He's free to go. And you, Moore, I'll have you arrested for dragging an upstanding citizen, a gem of a man to court.
Me (surprised): Who, me?
J: No, me. It's a Sunday and I wanna be in bed.
(Exit MM, crying for his mommy. Exit me, humming a tuneless little ditty)

You see? It all makes perfect sense. Its pays to be the Master of Things. Plus I like their close cousin, thongs. That reminds me of my buddy Prashanth and his first blog where he presented the marketing mantra "Sex Sells". So I'll sign off with a pic of a hot nude female (close your eyes if you're below the age of 18).