Friday, May 20, 2011

Ek Main Aur Ek Tu

I was recently talking to a friend who was convinced she had found someone who was 'The One' for her.

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[Enter lazy, cliched Matrix pun here]

I see this concept of 'The One' in popular culture as a highly Western concept. Made super-ironic by the fact that so many people there who remarry in the course of their lifetimes. I guess it's not so much 'The One' as 'The One at the Moment, until a better One comes along.'

Anyway, as she was going on about her One and their plan for a lifetime of happiness, love and general into-the-sunsetness, I couldn't help but think about my Ones.

To be honest, there have been very few women in my life I've genuinely believed had the potential to someday be considered as a candidate for being 'The One' in a janam-janam-ka-saathi sense. But each relationship, near-relationship, friendship or worship-from-afar carries its learnings and residual emotions, and it isn't hard to characterise some of them as one wallows in memories of happier times.

So, as I was thinking about some of my Ones, I realised it's actually a fairly long and distinct list of perceptions and memories.

  • The First One
  • The One That Got Away
  • The One I Really Really Liked But Realistically Knew I Never Had A Shot With; Then Got a Shot With Which I Cringe-inducingly Muffed
  • The One I Got Drunk And Freaky With, And Who Was Thankfully Cool About It
  • The One That Was An Experiment
  • The One That I Never Dreamed Would Happen
  • The One I Should Never Ever Have Let Go Of (You Bloody Idiot You)
  • The One I Wish I Had Handled Better
  • The One My Closest Friends Thought Was Psycho (she wasn't)
  • The One Who Was Just a Little Psycho (Yes, I know that's rich coming from me)
  • The One That Still Causes Me Emotional Turmoil Although She Has No Idea She Does
  • The One Whose Sunlit Perfection I Basked In But Never Had The Guts To Woo
  • The Thunderbolt One
  • The One Who Will Always Be The One

  • Next hop, skip, jump thought in my stream of consciousness: will I ever find my One? Ha. Ha ha. No. Largely because I believe in neither the concept at a fundamental level, nor the likelihood of my being that deeply emotionally committed for long enough without my inherent cynicism about the human race and the nature of human relationships kicking in and making a complete mess of everything, casting me into the usual cyclical black hole of anger, distrust, self-destruction and isolational misanthropy. Lather, rinse, repeat.


    Vivek said...

    You are a disturbed fellow.

    Nandini Vishwanath said...

    Sometimes you just need to let go and not think so much. And there is no 'one.'

    And McCall Smith? :) I'd never have thought. And add me on Goodreads?

    AC said...

    Yup, I know. Don't expect one :)

    Anonymous said...

    Couldn't stop smiling when I read this. And contemplating at the same time. So well written. Full ACP

    Nirmal said...

    Nice blog AC.
    Reminds me of one of your earlier blogs where you had mentioned a story i wrote (i am honored always) about LOVE.

    I think some ppl not necessarily girls even guys believe in 1 Love True Love kinds. Not sure whether it would happen in reality. I personally think Love/Romance is more towards heart than head. If you start questioning why should i like someone then probably it is not love.

    Its madness/affection/obsession in various proportions :)

    Btw only 14 eh? Gapsa ma edhu!! :)
    Arvind PastCrushes[14] :)

    I wish i had a count :)

    AC said...

    @Anonymous: Thanks. What are you contemplating? And are you who I think you are (Hint: Darkness)? :)

    @Nirmal: I am, as always, very cynical about this. There is no One True Love. It's something we make ourselves believe because human beings are inherently insecure and need validation of their choices and decisions. So whoever you end up with, you will want to believe you have found your One. So yes, heart over head :)

    Anonymous said...

    Anonymous is contemplating about the one with whom conversations never ended, the one who was best to get drunk with, the one that was fun to walk with, the one that was sublime to dance with....

    As to the hint...Anonymous shall have to live up to the name for now

    AC said...

    Hmmm... Hard not to think of what was, what is, what might have been.

    Hulkshme said...

    En ippo ellam ezudhardhille? You write really well. Ezuthanam thirumbayum...

    Hulkshme said...

    En ippo ellam ezudhardhille? You write really well. Ezuthanam thirumbayum...