Death - more musings

I have written earlier about death, where I stated that I'd like to die now rather than of old age at the end of the natural life cycle.

Recently, I had occasion to think once again about death as a concept and dying as an act, whether by accident or premeditated.

Given that I have to die someday, I felt it would an instructive, interesting and fun exercise to run through some of the different ways I could die and rank them in order of preference.

A few considerations

No suicide. Simply because my family wouldn't get the insurance payout in such a case

The more instantaneous the death, the better. I have a low threshold for pain inspite of my high desire for death

In compiling this list, I'm accounting for the possibility that the methods below may not necessarily result in death. I'm factoring this into the preference rating

Obviously, these are purely my views on the subject. You probably have a completely different set of criteria when picking how to die. If so, do share

I'll start from the least preferred route to death.

10. Car accident

Good: Extremely high likelihood of happening, given the amount of time I spend on the road and the general insanity of every Indian driver. Including me.

Bad: Cars provide a fairly decent level of protection nowadays. Airbags, and all that. Plus I am inherently a reasonably careful driver. Still, no match for a drunken truck driver.

Ugly: High chance of life-altering and crippling injury, but no death. Not how I want to spend the rest of my life.

Bottom line: Highly risky, from the point of view of the kind of death I'm looking for

9. Fire

Good: Can't really think of any. Except that your family could claim both life and property insurance. Oh, and that you might just choke to death before you burn to death.

Bad: Most fires that are likely to break out in the course of my normal life are in places that claim to have good fire systems. And unless it's a really big blaze and one is absolutely trapped, chances of death are minimal

Ugly: Third degree burns, no balm of death, painful disfigurement, social horror and a ruined life

Bottom line: Too ugly. The mind and soul quail at the thought of this route

8. Drowning

Good: Almost definite to kill you, if you're under long enough. If this occurs in a river, there's the added possibility you'll be crushed by rocks. Just to make sure

Bad: Unlikely to occur naturally, in the course of my everyday life. While I do visit rivers and waterfalls and seashores and such, they are usually not dangerous enough to drown me. There is the possibility of someone trying to kill me through drowning though - a silver lining

Ugly: A terribly painful way to go. Having briefly tried it to see what it feels like, I never want to do it again

Bottom line: The destination is great, the journey not so much

7. Terrorist attack: bomb blast

Good: If it's a powerful bomb, it can pretty much blow you to smithereens. Clean and complete

Bad: Bomb blasts are, mercifully (for the population at large), few. Relatively speaking, of course. I wouldn't want my selfish desire for death to claim other lives, at least not through a means as base as terrorism

Ugly: Extremely high likelihood of losing just a limb if I'm not within a few metres of the bomb. And the terrorists are unlikely to feed me inside info on the bomb's location, even if they read this blog

Bottom line: Terrorism is heinous, period. Given this point of view and the likely collateral damage through this method, my conscience can't support this

6. Falling off a building

Good: If the building is high enough, one is more or less guaranteed death

Bad: "High enough" is difficult to guage. My office building only runs to five floors. My apartment complex runs to ten. Will ten guarantee death? Will five? Also, most tall buildings are protected nowadays, with sealed windows and closed terraces. And it would be difficult to prove it wasn't a suicide. People hate me, but not so much as to push me off a building

Ugly: Anything short of death through this method. Exactly the same downside as a car accident, just more severe

Bottom line: Seems impractical and unlikely

5. Knife wound

Good: Reasonable chance of this happening somewhere, especially if I roam about in dark alleyways at night. I could lose a reasonable amount of blood and thereby die

Bad: The society around me is more of gun-oriented one, I think. Plus I don't spend much time in dark alleyways in the normal course of things - the most I get about in the dark is the drive from office to home

Ugly: An incision that isn't deep enough will leave me in terrible pain, bleeding very very slowly (or terribly scarred) but not dead. Which kind of defeats the whole point of the thing for me

Bottom line: This could go either way

4. Electrocution

Good: Given the general state of construction in many of the places I go in and out of (not the mention that my life is ruled by electrical and electronic gadgets), this is a very plausible way to die

Bad: It would have to be a very decisive bit of electrocution to kill me immediately, not just fry my skin or internal body parts

Ugly: One word - vegetable

Bottom line: This, too could go either way

3. Falling construction material

Good: In Delhi/Gurgaon, this is always a very real possibility. Maybe a roof will come crashing down when I attend the Commonwealth Games later this year

Bad: The Metro construction in Gurgaon is coming to an end. And there are no major buildings being built around the areas I visit - the CWG is my only hope

Ugly: Unless it's a really large and heavy piece of material - such as a multi-ton cement section that can crush my car like a pretty girl crushing a young man's hope - this could go the car accident way. And I'd be out a car.

Bottom line: Worth a shot, it could very well happen

2. Gunshot wound (mugger, police cross fire, encounter)

Good: More blood loss likely than a gun wound. Also more likely to result in near immediate death if aimed right (brain, heart). Plus gun-raj is reasonably prevalent in this neck of the woods, from what I hear and see. And death by gunfire is kind of cool, in a filmy tragic-romantic sense

Bad: I don't frequent too many places of ill repute and high crime rates (relatively speaking, of course. Gurgaon city's is pretty high as it is.) So while I've seen many gun-toting drivers and such, I don't know if I'll actually be faced with the desired situation in the course of my normal life. If I was, though, I'd probably ask the guy to kill me

Ugly: There's always the possibility of a slow, agonizing, death. Or just slow agony, if someone finds you before you die

Bottom line: I like this, but it needs to be done right. I might have to be asked to be killed, but who's the killer going to complain to?

1. Airplane accident

Good: Perfect. Near 100% chance of death, especially if mid air or involving two aircraft. In a warped way, a cool, worry-free way to go. And I fly a fair bit on work

Bad: The probability of dying in an accident if flying one of the world's top 25 airlines is just 1 in 9.2 million, and only 8% of fatal accidents happen mid-flight (Source). The majority of accidents are on the ground with no major casualties.
Ugly: The other lives that may be lost. Hopefully very very few, ideally none except mine.

Bottom line: I'm fairly sure this is the way I'd like to go.

In summary,

10. Car accident

9. Fire

8. Drowning

7. Terrorist attack

6. Falling off a building

5. Knife wound

4. Falling construction material

3. Electrocution

2. Gunshot wound

1. Airplane accident

Well, there it is. The problem is that this is all wishful thinking. There's little I can do to hasten one or more of these methods of death without it bordering on suicide, so I just have to continue (a) flying, and (b) living in Haryana and hope that one of the top two on my list, respectively, happens.

(To my parents and a few others who care: No, I am not going to kill myself. So there's no need to worry, for now.)