Sunday, August 01, 2010

If Only...

If only you’d kept your head about you when
Everything collapsed and the fault was yours;
If you had trusted her above yourself,
Addressed her doubts instead of closing doors;
If only you’d waited for her to explain
And not dismissed all she said as lies;
Thought hateful thoughts each night you’d lain
Apart, forced silence and averted eyes;

If only you’d cared for her dreams, shared her pride;
Put aside thoughts of ego and shame;
If, through Triumph and Disaster, been by her side
And, through it all, loved her just the same;
If only you’d borne the hard truths she spoke,
Not lied, not taken her for a fool;
Worked to save the marriage as it broke,
Bowed on occasion, not been a mule;

If only you’d not been so intent on “winning”
And tried risking it all to win her back,
Forseen the aching loss when all was spinning
out of control; kept quiet, changed tack;
If only you’d forced your heart, your every nerve,
To pause, rethink, before things were too far gone,
Held on dearly to memories of earlier love
When nothing else was left to which to hold on;

If only you’d ignored crowds gossiping of virtue
And reached out for a personal, honest touch;
Not let assumptions and falsities hurt you,
Counted reason with you as a worthy crutch;
If only you’d held unforgiving words spoken in heat,
And listened to her for a minute, just one;
Your world and all in it would’ve been complete
And, perhaps, you would’ve been a real Man, my son!

Was rather disturbed by a conversation I had with a friend whose eleven year relationship has just crumbled to nothingness. And all he had to offer himself when trying to come to terms with it in the cold light of hindsight was a litany of pitiful 'If Only I Had's. Depressing, and an unwelcome reminder of my own long list of 'What If's and 'I Wish I Had's in this context.

(Due apologies to Kipling. A man who, it is probably safe to assume, was never lost for the right words to rescue any situation, however dire.)


Anonymous said...

If Only I wasn't sort of an addict to you blog!

SO good to see you back!

And hope everything calms down for your friend,thats the only thing I can do.

PS: If you had an email id...I would probably stalked you to BLOG BLOG BLOG!


Nandini Vishwanath said...

We need to talk some more, I think?

Anonymous said...

PPS: Sorry about the grammatical error.I tend to think words in my head and not type them when excited.

"PS: If you had an email id...I would probably stalked you to BLOG BLOG BLOG! "

-AG again

AC said...

@AG: Thanks a ton, man :) Glad to know you're still reading this blog even though my frequency of writing has dipped drastically!

@Nandu: Naah, don't worry. This isn't really related to our discussion :)

Anonymous said...

@AC: Did I miss something? - Lizzy

AC said...

Let's talk

Nirmal said...


Nice one!

Too many bikki putting stories these days dude!!

Heard enough,scene enough,read enough,tired enough

We dont know the reasons behind that..i wish ur friend recovers and get backs in good shape!!

Btw u==ur friend? Is that a twist ;) ?


AC said...

No twist at all :)

Anonymous said...

all these relationships nonsense..
too much time waste.

finally you want a wife/husband and the criteria for those are very different from girlfriend/boyfriend. Once someone realizes this, it's "tata gf / bf, i didn't like u so much anyway.." and the other one cries like a tasty onion bajji that his mummy made suddenly sprouted legs and ran away screaming - "i hate you freak ! ur breath smells of onion"

All the best you unmarried in-a-realtionship dreamers! reminds me of bajjis without any filling..

- bajji_eater_2k10

Vikram said...

Nice one da. Hope this isn't a personal story disguised as a "friend's" :)

Vikram said...

Shit, just read the original If again and realized how your version has line-for-line parallels. Awesome work, man!

AC said...

Glad you like it Vikram. And no, nothing disguised here!