Friday, July 15, 2005

I'll keep this brief, I swear...

Yesterday, I saw no less than four people (unless my eyes deceived me, it was three guys and a girl) walking ahead of me. Not very unusual, you might say. No, it's not, I might reply. So what's the big deal, you might say. I'll tell you, will you let me finish, I might retort. Oh OK, go on, but make it quick, I've got to pee, you might plead. Right, I might say.

All four of them were wearing the kinda low slung jeans that seem to have become very popular among youngsters who have too much money to spend and too much body to show. I don't really grudge them wearing what they want, to each his own (It would have been far more impressive had I said that in Latin, but I don't know Latin, so please act impressed anyways. Thank you.) But what irked me was that for three of them, their underwear was showing.

The perverts among you who seem to frequent this site with alarming regularity and send me dirty messages are probably going, "Snigger snigger... u saw the girl's underwear..." Actually, I didn't. A clear and unobstructed view of her backside, fetching as it was, was not possible coz it was blocked by the bag she was carrying. One must take life as it comes.

Anyways, back to the undie-flashers. Come on guys, what the heck are you trying to prove anyways? That you wear underclothes?! What do u think I have in my pants? OK, that needs to be rephrased... what do you think I'm wearing below my waist? You don't have exclusive hold over the undie-market, the rest of us make reasonably regular use of our jocks too.

And presuming that the uppermost thought in your mind is not the erroneous assumption that others prefer walking around without their intimates, why on earth would you want to show yours? Does it make the region of your waist feel more airy? Do you believe it contributes in some way to the aesthetic beauty of the environment? Trust me, the sight of a polka dotted or pink striped or dirty yellow or boring white undie poking out of someone's jeans doesn't do much by way of pepping me up and making me feel good about life. It only makes me wonder what the hell the world is coming to and causes me to hammer out a blog post on it.

If you, dear reader, thought that was a pointless and uncalled-for rant, get some popcorn and settle back in your seats, coz here's more.

What's with all the swearing nowadays? Everywhere I go, I find unmentionable four-letter words being flung about with gay abandon. (I could make a joke about it also being flung about with straight abandon, but I don't know how many people would get it.) I'm no saint myself, I enjoy a good swear when I'm in a particularly lousy mood or I'm in the throes of deep tension and someone hides my spectacles so I go bumping around flailing my arms wildly and stubbing my toes and knocking things over and banging into doors and injuring people and... heck, I'm getting worked up... (deep breath).

I believe the occasional swear helps, especially when things aren't going well. A few choice, heartfelt curses can go a long way in letting out one's pent up emotions and cooling one down. Cursing also helps clear one's throat effectively so one can then proceed to loudly shift the blame for the cockup to someone else. But swearing practically all the time, for no reason whatsoever? I just don't get it.

Conversations just aren't like they used to be in the good old days... (For convenience, let's consider 'fish' to be a really bad word. If you think that's stupid, fish u.)

Then: Could you please pass me the butter.
Now: Where's the fishing butter? Oh, there it is. Who the fish put it there? Pass it here.

Then: Please do not give me bumps, they hurt. If you do not desist immediately, I shall be forced to take action against you.
Now: You bloody fishers! Just wait till you put me down, I fishing fish your happiness!

Then: (Laughing) That was rather humorous!
Now: Fish! That's fishin' hilarious, man!

Then: Why do you want to do that?!
Now: Are you fishin' crazy?! Why the fish do you want to do that?!

Then: Uh oh. I appear to have dropped my pen.
Now: Oh fish! I dropped the fishin' pen.

Then: I am not interested in dealing with you.
Now: Fish you.

Then: Please explain what is happening here...
Now: What the fish is going on here?

Then: Kindly remove yourself.
Now: Fish off!

Then: (Exasperated) I don't think I'll do this.
Now: Oh, fish it.

You catch my drift... I just don't see why inserting a swear word for every 2.5 non-swear words is essential for inter-human communication. I guess that's just the way the world is.

Have to catch up on a LOT of lost sleep, so gonna crash now... so long, and thanks for all the fish!

26 comments:

Ms. V said...

Hahahahahaha! You're fishing funny, AC! Fish man. I wish I could be half as hilarious as you are. The title was PERFECT with a P, to a T! :D

There are some people in this world who thrive on making life miserable for others. The undie-flashers come in that category. So it's not meant to make you feel good about life. Thank your stars you're not in the west. Here if you don't flash you're undies, that's when something's abnormal!!!

As for the swearing, gift them a dictionary. Let them know that there are a lot more words in the English vocabulary than they think there are. Enlighten the poor souls. Also, make sure to steal all their rap music CDs.

Oka the irrepressible said...

LMAO !! Nice post dude. :))

Btw.. I guess you noted the colors of their undies as well. Considering that you've mentioned exactly 4 colors...

Nandan said...

Briefly asking Why were you intently observing the finer details of the guys inner wear. I was just straightening things out despite what the italics might suggest no particular inclination to know your preferences.

Hey and four letter unmentionable words are most mentioned coz they are used as punctuation marks where one would find a comma in writing one finds a the-word-that-shall-not-be-written in this blog unless under severe duress

nice post man

cheers [oops prohibited sorry ;( ]

Leon said...

Ms V is right about everyone flashing their underwear in the West. But u get so used to it that it doesn't seem strange anymore!

As for swearing.. you echo my sentiments. Four letter words are NOT cool.. period.

Rohan said...

Dude you actually saw this on campus???? Nice post about swearing...

Orikinla Osinachi. said...

That wasn't brief!
Because, it was some trip.
You were fishy.
You were fishing for what?
Thank God, the babe had a bag behind her rear.

Stop fishing around for private matters of the posterior.

Anonymous said...

i love the word 'fish'. its utility exceeds that of any other word in the english language. Can be used as a verb(please fish me),adj(this is fishing shit), noun(u fishers will die), and more importantly as a stand alone word(oh!fish).

So instead of finding the most appropriate word just say Fish.the word suits all occasions and is a saviour to us inarticulate folk.

and wats with indians wanting to be hip-hop artists. dont they know our skin is a bit too swarthy to carry that off!!

karma said...

i get very offended seeing the words 'log off'. it sounds very rude :))

Suze said...

hmmmmmmmmmm......
kitne aadmi the??
woh kaun thi??

AC said...

Hey everybody, I'm sorry I've taken a while to reply...

Thanks Ms V, Oka :) Maybe one could, by a stretch of imagination, say the title was perfect to a Y... ;)

And Nandan, given the antics u got up to in Delhi, ur a fine one to talk about straightening things out! And don't worry, it's quite possible to say Cheers here!

AC said...

Absolutely, leon. Not cool in the least... but I can't really grasp the idea that one gets used to seeing others' underwear!

Yup, rohan, it was on campus! Tucchas, I think... And thanks!

Yeah anon, v versatile! There's an audio clip (possibly Monty Python) about its myriad uses, looking for it...

weenie said...

There is only one way to stop this "undie-showing" fashion, and that's for middle-aged people to start wearing their jeans in the same manner. As soon as the kids see people as old as/older than their parents dressed in this way, there's no way they want to be the same! ;)

gayathri said...

good one. may be u can send this to LEE,they were the ones who introduced the low waist jean funda! u saw this at ahemdabad. chennai is not far behind!!! its the same here. guess u shud b knowin tht as well. :)
good one!

Ms. V said...

"Perfect to a Y"... Hee hee!

Btw, I've got the link for the Monty Python clip. So in case you're interested, let me know :)

CoNfUsEd said...

there's this irish guy who works in my office.. the way he wears his pants is unbelievable.. he's about 6feet 5inches tall and really thin.. he wears his pants unbelievably low and everytime he walks by, i have this urge to pull his pants jus to see if they will fall off!!! ;)

i'm certainly going to get fired.. lol

Anonymous said...

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today, is the word fuck. Of all the English words beginning with f, fuck is the single one referred to as the "f-word". It's the one magical word. Just by it's sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. Fuck, as most of the other words in English, has arrived from Germany. Fuck from German's "fliechen" which mean to strike. In English, fuck folds into many grammatical categories. As a transital verb for instance, "John fucked Shirley". As an intransitive verb; "Shirley fucks". It's meaning is not always sexual, it can be used as an adjective such as; John's doing all the fucking work. As part of an adverb; "Shirley talks too fucking much", as an adverb enhancing an adjective; Shirley is fucking beautiful. As a noun; "I don't give a fuck". As part of a word: "abso-fucking-lutely" or "in-fucking-credible". Or as almost every word in a sentence: "fuck the fucking fuckers!". As you must realize, there aren't many words with the versitility such as the word fuck,as in these examples used as the following words;
- fraud: "I got fucked"
- trouble: "I guess I'm really fucked now"
- dismay: "Oh, fuck it!"
- aggresion: "don't fuck with me, buddy!"
- difficulty: "I don't understand this fucking question"
- inquery: "who the fuck was that?"
- dissatisfaction: "I don't like what the fuck is going on here"
- incompetence: "he's a fuck-off!"
- dismissal: "why don't you go outside and fuck yourself?"

I'm sure you can think of many more examples.
With all these multipurpoused applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word?
Use this unique, flexibel word more often in your daily speech. It will identify the quality of your character immediately. Say it loudly and proudly:
FUCK YOU!

drizzlenightsky said...

your fishing blog is fishing funny!

anyway, just want to react to the low-slung jeans...at least the kids you saw have their underwear showing...

I saw this girl sitting by the bus station with her butt crack clearly showing. it wasn't supposed to show as the pants weren't very low but the waist band of the jeans has a friggin'(fishing?) v-cut right by the butt crack! it's like a v-neck shirt except for your butt...go figure...and no, it wasn't cute...

meera said...

ha ha ha...that was one helluva funny post man...reminded me of an incident once in the airport where a guys pants just fell off him!!! and in the middle of reading ur blog...i went to post that on mine:)

P said...

dude! that was hilarious :) I am with Nandan on this.

Perfect way to end the post! Douglas Adams rocks!

Rowan said...

Fishin' hilarious!

Great use of Latin, by the way. I was very fishin' impressed.

Sundeep said...

hilarious post!! btw the rather huge monologue that anonymous has put is actually the transcript of an audio and is (as you would prefer to say it) fishing hilarious(u gotta hear it to believe me)

amit said...

too gud man....
i came here first time n i stand mesmerised

keep rocking......

AC said...

Whoa! Sorry I didn't reply earlier folks, the workload has ensured I haven't had time to visit my blog...

LOL weenie! That'll teach them!

Thanks gayathri, rowan :) And nice post, meera!

Yo Pps! Long time! Thanks man, but what do u mean you're 'with' Nandan? The mind boggles at the possibilities...

AC said...

Go for it, confused :) Some things in life are worth the risk!

Yup Su, I think that's the one I was thinking of... and thanks!

WTF, drizzlenightsky?! Why on earth would anyone manufacture pants with a V-cut at the back? And what kind of weird fashion freaks would buy something like that (shakes head in perplexity)

Thanks amit :) Kya kare, no time to post stuff at all :(. Guess next one will be only after midterms...

Lucky said...

hey dat was a good one
on perhaps the most used word of the english language
absolutely cool...
straight out of Chetan Bhagat's Five point Someone.
if u havent read it...do it now...better late than never.
keep it up.

yet another fish in the pond.. said...

that was fishin cool